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Masturbate-a-thon
April 12, 2007 - 11:26 AM
General
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Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month. Yup, and this year on the frist of May the US President will get out on the White House green and jack off for the press core while off in the distance his helicopter waits impatiently. Since the government can't support the pro-labor and possibly communist leanings of May Day, it was thought to be another way to honor the phallic May Pole. This year Viagra is sponsoring the jack off event. Ok, I am yanking your cock. It would be a good world if all this were true, and the American public were forced to talk about masturbation for a day ... but I made almost everything up. The only part that is true is that May in National Masturbation Month.
The month long self-love celebration was started by Good Vibrations. It would be a travesty to call Good Vibrations a sex toy company. They have been so much more for so long. I remember the first time I went into a Good Vibrations store it was like heaven. None of that sleazy, creepy, guy behind the counter in a North Beach hole-in-the-wall watching with too eager eyes as I picked out my porn. Good Vibrations changed the way that women could shop for sex products, and they changed it before we had the joys of the completely anonymous internet. Good Vibrations was one of the first stores that was clean, respectful and informative. I can't say enough good things about them, and I am not just saying that because they are going to feature us in their blog.
So after spawning National Masturbation Month, Good Vibrations waited a couple years and then upped the ante with the Masturbate-a-thon, an event that "puts the 'fun' back in 'fundraising'". It is very much like it seems from the crazy name. People masturbate at a live event for pledge dollars. When the Masturbate-a-thon transitioned from a do-it-yourself project to a live solo sex party, Good Vibrations handed off the responsibility for this event to The Center For Sex And Culture, a non-profit sex education institution also spawned by Good Vibrations. Both the event and the Center itself are run by the famous and fearless leaders Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Robert Lawrence.
Last year we heard about about the event two months after it happened and with great regret about having missed it. This year we are more than prepared, we are sponsoring it! What that means for you is that members will get to see a live feed of the 6-8 hour event as it happens. Nina Hartley and Tassy Pink are the featured performers, but we are bringing our own crew of self-lovers too. At present count we are bringing 7 masturbators, some of whom you have seen and some who will be all new and fun. Want to join the fun at the live event? There are lots of ways to participate including live spectating, which may just be par for the course with a bunch of masturbation porn lovers. So, go visit the site. I designed it!
Got Plot?
April 4, 2007 - 9:50 AM
General
 DVD Cover |
The porn industry is ripe with bad plot. My last boyfriend used to watch porn with his friends for its comedic value. I guess if you are going to watch grade B comedy, you might as well see a bunch of naked blond bimbos perpetrating the travesty. While Red Handed Porn has happily side stepped the whole plot problem by creating mini-documentaries, the more courageous amongst us continue to try to put plot to porn.
This is all a pre-amble to a review I am going to do of someone else's porn. In the last couple of months I have shocked myself becoming a person whose opinion matters. Tristan Taormino sent me a list of questions for an article (it came out last Friday!) that asked who my porn influences are. What a question; I feel like a real artist. Then I got a comp ticket to the premiere of "In Search Of The Wild Kingdom", a queer girl porn film, with actual dykes. Yup, all sorts of androgynous types you would sooner find in an all natural grocery than a porn flick. I know some of you are here for our selection of butches and genderqueers and gender traitors and transfolk, and the rest of you tolerate it well. If you are of the first group, read on. If you are of the second, go tolerate the rest of the site.
The premise for this film is that a straight female filmmaker is trying to document sex-life in the wilds of San Francisco dyke country. She is an unstable character who wants to know what makes dykes so different. To this end she orders an unruly crew of latent queer girls to covertly invade dyke bedrooms. As the director, Shine Louise Houston, delivers it, the plot provides an excellent opportunity to show hot dyke sex scenes, one after the other.
Unfortunately, the plot doesn't really thicken to my favored consistency until after the credits roll. At the very end a mockumentary of the mockumentary springs to life. Houston proves to be an excellent actor, dead panning her way through an interview about what it was like to follow the straight, clueless filmmaker. This kind of making fun of porn while also making fun of dykes culture is probably the best type of plot to have in porn. If my old boyfriend could appreciate bad humor with his porn, queer girls can appreciate the good stuff. Houston has my confidence as a filmmaker and she should just go for the plot like I know she wants to. It is right there at her fingertips. Yeah, I know; I am in the minority. So let me tell you about the sex:
The first couple starts seeming like the butch/femme thing. It features Trouble (of nofauxxx.com) and an imp of an androgynous thing called Beau. Houston, however, rips the rug out from under our gender expectations, when the femme does the topping. The boi get naked and passive almost instantly. How fun! The other scenes were equally surprising spanning style and race without seeming self-conscious about it. The sex seemed to happen in real time, and I almost never found myself saying "Wow, that is an akward position. Why would anyone fuck that way?"
All thoughts dissolved in the last scene as I was riveted by its unparalleled hotness. It started with a black couple waking up in the morning with their cocks hard and still strapped on from the previous evenings threesome with Beau. They stroke each other's morning wood through the sheets in a way that is fun in its reminiscence of gay male porn. Papi the bottom for this scene is flipped on her face where she gets fucked in the ass with a series of toys. Wil, her partner, maintains the kind of perfect timing you only see in real couples. When Wil flips Papi back over, she knows just when to stop the mad fucking and flick Papi's vulva with her whole whipping hand. Papi responds with hunger and begging and eventually wild whining squeals of uncontrolled orgasms. We see Papi reach up and slap hard on Wil's breasts. We see Wil put the weight of her body both comforting and commanding on Papi's chest. We hear Papi confess to loving Wil in a string of explicatives about needing to get fucked. You can't find this kind of a sex scene between strangers. In fact, it is pretty rare to find this kind of sex between partners.
So, in summary: "In Search Of The Wild Kingdom" has excellent queer girl sex perforated by an undeveloped plot with too much potential. That's as good as it gets. Go buy it!
The Educated Asshole
March 26, 2007 - 8:39 PM
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Google Got It
In a strange game of Internet telephone, the news about Google's sex-negative issues were published far and wide. The weirdest incarnation of Violet Blue's article appeared in XBiz, an adult networking site. After reading the article I have no idea what it is about. Maybe it could all be summarized with the phrase "Bad Google, No Sex". It was odd to be quoted in that context. I so often try to make sense.
The real news is that we reposted some ads that had been previously banned by Google, and they have stayed posted for days now. Usually we get booted out of the Internet arena within 24 hours. On the outside it can be 72, but we have exceeded both those time periods. It is almost as if Google discreetly learned from it's bad sex mistakes. Of course there was no grand announcement proclaiming a new trans positive advertising policy, so it could be that we have been given a pass to advertise whatever we want. I suppose I could test this by conjuring up some real teen concepts, but I am not in the mood to vomit.
Thanks to all you who put your queer and trans-positive shoulders to the wheel. Also appreciated were those many who supported us with their indignation. As things settle down and we reach customers on a new sex-positive plain, I do find myself alarmed that the press is an essential part in Google's customer service. It seems to me they are big enough to hire someone to answer a fucking phone.
Who Owns Your Asshole?
Anal is in the air, or maybe it is just the people that I hang with. They are such sex positive people that I sometimes am abruptly startled to realize that most straight men aren't aware that they own their assholes. That's right, some fag apparently owns their asshole. I had lunch with Sincock today and we talked about that reality. Apparently on the craigslist kink forum where he often loiters, the second most common question is "My girlfriend is thinking of getting a strap-on, does that make me gay?" The frequent sarcastic response is "Yes, yes it does?"
I am more than a little baffled by this. A woman is inserting something in your male ass, and you are gay how? Do you not own your own asshole? Is it as Sincock says, that a fag is Brooklyn owns all the straight male ass in America?
I am hopeful that no one visiting this site is stuck in that ugly universe, but if so I have an education to deliver: Your dick is only half the story. You have a prostate gland. That gland can be stimulated by putting things in your ass. Male anal sex can lead to the kinds of orgasms that are unparalleled by your lowly prick. You will scream because it will be so intense. Enjoying your body does not make you a fag, it makes you healthy. Now to add insult to injury I should point out that you are receiving this education from a dyke, who not only is without a prostate gland, but never makes house calls to prostate glands. It is a sad state when a lesbian knows more about your body than you do. Now, go get lots of lube, and ....
Calibrate Your Hot-O-Meter
In the midst of the Velcro Button's first episode she said to me, "What is it that really makes something hot?". As a pornographer I think about it a lot, and the answer is never in my gonads. It is in my chest, and arms, and legs in the same way that every other creative pursuit is. I feel like I am tapping into some bigger picture ... and I worry that you are not joining me in that journey.
So let's come to some type of an agreement of what is hot. Then you can leave or stay with your concurrence level. Hot is when a person knows they are hot, when they tease, when they play and then loose themselves in sex, when they look you in the eye as they come. Sexy, is confidence. Sexy is an attitude. Sexy is smart. Sexy is sincere, but maybe not so innocent. Sexy is a wide range of slippery, wet things that are not restricted by hair color, or skin tone, or gender, or size.
I just called R.G., the performer for Episode #24 to let her know that her episode is live. I got her voicemail. The outgoing message is three or four sentences that are such plain words that I won't waste electromagnetic space writing them for you. She's got delivery though. She ends the transmission saying that she will call back ... maybe. Like, maybe if you are lucky, if she thinks you are worth her sexy time. Every time I get her voicemail I sigh and smile. She framed her episode with a message to all the fat girls: you are sexy too. So, friends and loved ones, calibrate your hot-o-meter and meet me there. This is truly one of the hottest episodes we have released.
Not Just Trans!
March 15, 2007 - 11:01 AM
Tech
 Pregnant With Porn |
 Tyzza's Episode |
Google vs. Genderqueers Returns
Today, after much careful prodding of local journalists, an article came out in the San Francisco Chronicle about little ole us, and our gender language difficulties with the Goliath Google. Here is a link to the article, written by the amazing Violet Blue.
This is my first experience with working with the press, although I have gotten good advice from knowing people. About a month ago I talked to my ex-girlfriend who founded and still works at the collective Biofuel Oasis. They are the first filling station in Berkeley to offer 100% biodiesel. They are also a woman-worker-owned collective. They are such a hippie, crunchy, granola, activist story that the press is falling over themselves trying to write it. The advice my ex-gave me about the press is that you just need to tell them what to say. They are busy and need you to focus them.
I didn't really think that would be true with Violet Blue. She does a lot of writing and seems very particular about the subject matter. I didn't get an advanced copy of the article, so I was really surprised this morning to see how widely I was quoted. Not just sentences or phrases but paragraphs at a time.
Unfortunately, the one thing I didn't emphasize in my correspondences was the broad focus of our work: anything and everything masturbation. It is easy to jump to the conclusion that we only do trans porn, given that I was whining about not being able to advertise trans porn. So she wrote that we are a "transgender, sex-positive queer-porn site". Well that would be some of it. Alas, this month we don't even have any trans performers. In fact, we are about to release an episode with another straight dude.
Felled By My Own Sword
As I was writing Ms. Blue about the lesbian vs. dyke identity issue, I had a nagging urge to gag myself. It is just fine to be rude and foolish on my own personal blog, but I should be an upright business person when representing the porn site. I certainly shouldn't get all self-righteous about identities that I put on and take off with equal discomfort. Unfortunately, I didn't gag myself. Just after I wrote about not identifying as a 'lesbian', I started editing Episode #22, featuring the straight dude. My clear confusion about non-silicone cocks becomes apparent when his post-gasm cock stays pretty hard against his abs. He assured me that while hard, he was not ready yet for another round. There is just a cool down period for some cocks. So I had to admit that I was 'a lesbian' who knew nothing about these types of physiological mechanisms.
Isn't that great. Just five days after I am quoted in the newspaper as not identifying as a polar-fleece wearing, mullet sporting lesbian, we release an episode where I call myself a lesbian. All I can say in my defense is that I am an opportunistic prick, who is remains confused about her gender identity ... and yet can't get enough pussy in a kind of genitally exclusive way. Hold on a second, (cough, cough) I just got a bit excess polar fleece lodged in my throat.
Positively Procreative
So, the next two episodes are not just un-trans, they are positively procreative. Last summer we shot Fenixx and Tyzza, a married couple expecting a baby. Fenixx was in her third trimester, and she contacted us because she didn't see any positive sexual portrayals of pregnant women in porn ... and besides she is an exhibitionist. We are releasing Tyzza first, then the very pregnant Fenixx a few days later. We did a pre-interview interview where both of them together got to talk about what this means in their sex lives to be performing for a camera. Tyzza was the strong silent type, so mostly we hear Fenixx's take on all of it. Also, a month or after the shoot, I filmed the birth. All is good and healthy with this little family.
Freedom, Sell It Baby!
March 8, 2007 - 11:28 AM
General
 Playing The Static! |
 Sweet Talking Lacy |
 Lacy With Straw Berrys |
Although it is International Women's Day and according to takingplace.org we should all blog today about ending sexism, the title for this week's blog comes in part from the live version of the Jimi Hendrix song that I downloaded this week. Rock on! Now it is going to get complicated: I have been thinking a lot about marketing, because I run this small business. That is what small business people do; we try to convince people that the products we have are as worthy as we believe them to be. I am not sure how to convince non-porn people that we are truely different, and I can't figure out how to simultaneously convince porn-people that we make exceptionally hot stuff that they can't find elsewhere. Both these things are true. The question is 'how to convince everyone? anyone?'
Before I was an engineer (which I left because of sexism, (See I am writing about sexist today.)) I did freelance work as a graphic designer, for years and years. Without fail in that first meeting, the marketing manager would say, "We want to look really different. Go wild! Bring us your craziest ideas." So I would come back in a week with three or four designs, and their faces would fall a little. They would have to admit, that yes they claimed to want to look different but really, could I just copy the work of their competitor changing out the red for blue? Change the red for blue? Holy fucking shit man; that is quite a risk. Are you sure you can handle it?
Unsuprisingly some of the marketing advice I get from marketing friends is that we should dumb down the site, hide this blog, eliminate text and try better to pretend to be everyone else. Of course, once we are rolling in customers we are allowed to bring back all those edgy things that make us different. Marketing reasons that the customers won't notice these changes because they have already been sold on the product. This principle reminds me of the problems faced by politicians. There is a lot of pressure to abandon principles and constituent directives for campaign money. If the politician hopes to maintain that office they have to keep sucking up to big money. You would think that things could change when they are on their way out of office, but they don't for two reasons: 1) Politicians don't remember what their principles were. 2) They still have to tow the line for the party, which is still trying to get votes for this or another seat. I haven't seen the American public embracing the Democrats as they try to look like Republicans. The fact is that the Republics are always going to be the real Republicans, and Democrats when they try to be like Republicans will always be a lack-luster simulation.
So, now back to Jimi Hendrix. When digital remastering first became technically viable, some total jackass decided to clean up the work of Jimi Hendrix. He reasoned, "Wouldn't it be so much better without that static?" Actually, it sounded like total shit. Uh, jackass? Are you paying attention? Before that era, there was a lot less static despite lesser technologies, which implies that artists like Jimi were adding it, on purpose. Jimi was playing the static. I would argue that even the warm crackle of the needle passing over an old fashioned record was part of his music.
Red Handed Porn is smarter, hotter and more sex positive than any porn out there. We are going to play that static, hold that edge. We are not going to pretend to be anything but the documentary porn that we are. Ah, but how to market that ... Anwyay, if this fails hard, I can go back to engineering. Since I have left the engineering world, nasty weather trends are making it much more obvious that we have to do something about the environment. I always wanted to design an electric car. I can hope to make at least 60% of what the male engineering underlings who can't tie their shoes without a plan make. Hmm, maybe I will go back to graphic design, where I will be passed over by much less talented people with pricks. Hmm, maybe I should become a porn star. It is the only job where women make more than men for the same work. Before any genitals flop or get engorged by that concept, let me say that exhibitionism remains not my style. I am more likely to drink myself to death living in my great aunt's converted garage like all the true great artists of old.
PORN! Lest we forget why we are here amidst all these words, let me say a few more about upcoming porn: We are starting to bring back some of our favorite performers for a second round. We have the ever acrobatic fister, Cherry, in her blue room for our next episode. After that sweet talking Lacy, tries to sweet talk me into bed where she is joined by her delicious brown beauty of a 'special friend', Straw Berrys. After that we have a pregnant bisexual woman and her hot hubbie. As always, stay tuned.
Lucia's Public Service Announcement
February 28, 2007 - 5:03 PM
Shoots
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Video: Lucia's Public Service Announcement Lucia is a very bad girl, except of course that she isn't really a girl so much as a fancy femme fag in a female body. None the less she doesn't practice good biohazard safety protocols. In this brief complication she tells us what not to do. |
I am so often wordy, that I am going to step back today. If you are watching Lucia's episode released today, then you should also watch this video. It could also be called Safer Sex In The Studio, Part 2
