Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
At preset this section of our website is wholly theoretical because we haven't been open long enough to establish what our frequently asked questions might be. As questions get frequently asked they will debut on this page.
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How do I unsubscribe?
I lost my password, username or ass with both my hands.
I can't login. WTF!
Where's the beef -or- Beef? I didn't order beef!
There is peanut butter in my chocolate and chocolate in my peanut butter
Why do recurring memberships cost less
I want ...
To Cookie or Not To Cookie
Quicktime or Windows Media
"How do I unsubscribe?"
This is handled by our billing company. Follow the link: Bye!
"I lost my password, username or ass with both my hands."
This is also handled by our billing company, CCBill, who offers 24-hour a day customer service both online and by phone. We on the other hand just look at our emailed complaints when we are awake and remember. There is nothing we can do about not being able to find your ass with both your hands though.
"I can't login. WTF!"
Nine times out of ten you are entering your username and password incorrectly. Both are case sensitive and full of weird letters and numbers. You can contact me through the form. I can call you up and we can read through each character together, or you can just be careful and try it again on your own.
The other one out of ten times happens because you have been trying to watch the video for free. Scamatious fuck! When you were asked for a membership type preference, you just put in whatever you imagined would get you what you wanted ... and surprise, it didn't. Well we forgive you. You need to go under the support section and change your "User Preferences" to whatever your actual purchased membership is.
Still ca't get in? Well, you probably still didn' enter your username and password correctly, but contact us and we will sit together on the phone putting in the characters one by one. Write in your correspondence if you are the type of bigot who needs to talk to "the man" and we will send you the junior tech guy instead of the female person who designed interface.
"Where's the Beef?" -or- "Beef? I didn't order beef!"
We founded Red Handed Porn with the notion that there is a lot of hot stuff under the autoerotic sun. Our content is mostly women masturbating, but we throw in a dash of dick, a pinch of assorted tranny, and an occasional whole cross dresser. We know we can't make everyone happy, but have cooked up what we find to be a nicely flavored stew. Try to appreciate the nuances, and when we have enough episodes on line to merit it, we will allow you to sort and search.
"There is peanut butter in my chocolate and chocolate in my peanut butter"
I guess you didn't really get it with the last question. We have some variety going on. We are in the process of creating ways for you to sort for the particular genitals that you want. Try not to be such a baby about it. Diversity is good, and no one will think you are a big homo for subscribing to our mildly diverse pornography.
"Why do recurring memberships cost less?"
We are looking for long-term customers who enjoy our unique content and want to stay with us for every episode. We know the porn industry has supported high attrition rates, and we imagine a lot of this has to do with the unvarying content provided by most producers. So, if you commit to us, we reward you. That being said, a recurring membership can be cancelled at any time.
"I want ..."
Let us know what you want, and we will take it into our dictatorial consideration. Bear in mind, life isn't fair and you don't always get what you want. Contact Us!
"To Cookie or Not To Cookie?"
I am sure there are websites out there doing nefarious things with cookies. We on the other hand use them to try to make your viewing experience more pleasant.
For example if you don't want to be redirected to our warning page every time you come to the site, I would suggest enabling cookies. That way we already know that you have agreed to our terms. If you are a member, as soon as you log in we store some information letting us know what type of membership you have. That lets you see the explicit versions of the photos that appear on each page. It also allows us to direct you to the right videos and photos. If you disable cookies you can still make your way through the site, but you will have to be constantly letting us know which membership type you have. That is just the way it is. Don't bother bitching to us, unless you want to be called a "paranoid little snot".
If, on the other hand, you think things aren't working and you keep having to tell us about your membership level even though you have cookie's enabled. Please contact us so we can help you out of this annoying quandary.
" Quicktime or Windows Media?"
At this moment I am reminded of a passage in the bible "I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse: choose life, that you may live." The obvious question is "Why would anyone choose death or a curse?" Go ahead and ask this of the next person you see smoking. Death has strange allure, and we here at Red Handed are not entirely immune.
I can't say why it is that people insist on using Windows products when they are full of security holes and their quality is lagging. In this case, the alternative is free and so much better. Quicktime provides a smaller file with more detail. Below is a screen shot. On the left is Windows Media. On the right is Quicktime.
For God's sake, choose
Quicktime!
(Follow the links and download it for free!)
